Bloody noses, concussions, bruised and scraped knees, allergies, Strep throat, vomiting, jammed fingers, sprained ankles, the occasional broken bone, and lots of mini “counseling sessions” (especially with middle school students)…just a day in the life of a school nurse. The fun thing about being a school nurse (besides having summers off with my kids) is not knowing what you’ll see or hear.
Every time a kiddo comes in my office their parent receives an e-mail report and in nurse-like fashion I only report the objective and quote the student…just doing my job! This ultimately leads to entertaining e-mails back from parents and occasionally a screen shot of my e-mail report posted straight to Facebook….you know you’re saving these for their baby book/scrapbook! As we wrap up the 2016-17 school year I’d like to share just a few gems from my creative and funny students:
- When asked how the student’s tummy ache felt:
“It’s like 355,00 Jupiters filled with tanks shooting at me…but it’s worser than that.”
- When asked how the student fell into her desk and hit her jaw:
“Me and my friend were fun-pushing and I think that’s how I hit the desk”
- Little guy with a tummy ache (same little guy with the Jupiters/tanks above):
“It feels like there are bees & wasps in my stomach doing CPR.”
- After getting Tylenol for a headache one of my middle school students requested a couple cough drops, saying:
“I don’t have a cough or a sore throat…I just like the way the cough drops tastes. And I thought it would be better if I told the truth. Besides, they’re healthy for you.”
After that I had to give him a cough drop, I mean who wouldn’t?! (And my “healthy” cough drops? Ricola Natural Herb cough drops directly from CostCo, you’re welcome 😉)
- Middle school is such an interesting developmental stage isn’t it? That’s my preface for my next middle school student story….in comes a younger middle school student looking a little, shall we say…”off color.” When I asked him why he thought he wasn’t feeling well he replied,
“Not really sure. Maybe I ate too much at lunch? (of course I had to ask what he ate) Welllllll…11 cupcakes, 3 donuts, friend chicken, and ice tea.”
Yep, didn’t send that one home! Let him know that he needed to find the nearest trashcan if something started coming up and bid him farewell!
- Yet another middle school student showed up in my office later in the afternoon (the week before Spring Break) saying that she had really dry skin on her chin and between her eyes. She had tried everything possible…lotion, baby oil, you name it…nothing was moisturizing her skin. AND seeing as she was leaving for her vacation in a warm climate…
“I can’t have dry skin when I’m going to California! That would be terrible!”\
- Oh and then there’s my cute little 2nd grade boys. They are in a class by themselves (not literally). For some reason they love either getting injured or pretending like they’re injured. One of my little guys came up recently with his buddy (it’s the boy version of the buddy system that us girls do when using the restroom, don’t cha know??) stating that he may have pollen in his eye…and that it was probably from recess. When I asked (half joking) if he had been touching a tree or the like and then sticking his fingers in his eyes he said,
“Yep! I did that!” (Then he got a pensive and all of a sudden, we totally switched gears….) “Sooooo, how many times have I been here now?? Cuz I think I’ve been here 13 times. Can you look?”
(And at that point the pollen-in-the-eye issue was immediately & miraculously resolved)
That is really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to all that I hear and see in my office…my days are never boring!
And to that I wish all my fellow school nurses a Happy National School Nurses Day and happy almost summer!